just come out here and I will go home with you...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
