don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
