She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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