I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
