New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
