i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sext me about skeletons
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
