you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
