im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
