im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
