We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
