I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
