just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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