We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
