so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
