# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
