Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
