I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
