I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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