I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
