Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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