textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
