I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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