I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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