why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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