I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
