She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
