You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
