If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
