I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
