So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
