If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
