I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
