Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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