He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
