Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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