My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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