Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
