why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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