Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
