Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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