Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
