DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
