I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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