so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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