Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
