Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
