I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
