You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
