i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
