I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
