Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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