Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
